Top Ten Reasons Why Brian is WAY Better than Edward Cullen

Ok, so I read Twilight.

And you know what? It wasn't bad. Not great literature, but interesting enough to get me to finish it. I read it so I'd be able to see the movie without feeling guilty about it. As it was getting closer to time for the movie I was increasingly disturbed by the, uh, crazed Edward-obsessing females in the world. Don't get me wrong, I can understand getting a little enthused about a fictional character. But for the love, these girls were getting obsessed about a desperate 17-year-old, not a Mr. Darcy or even a sweet Prince Charming. A teenager who stays awake to sneak into another girl's room to watch her sleep.

Yikes.

So after dinner on Thanksgiving we were looking for something to do that would involve as little movement as possible. The women decided to head off to see Twilight, leaving the men happy and safe at home. Boy, was I jealous. By the time I got to go home I gave B a huge hug and said 'You are SO much better than that vampire. I don't know what all those women are so excited about'. Let me explain to you all why that is.

10. Brian isn't (always) cold. A vampire characteristic is that their skin is ice cold. Something about not having any blood. While I am not a fan of blood, I also don't like being cold.

9. Brian can go in the sun. Sure, I like sparkly things, but that effect in the movie was one of the most ridiculous things I've ever seen. So dumb.

8. Brian's parents don't look like they're his same age. That would just be weird.

7. Brian won't keep me in high school forever. Man that movie made me glad I wasn't in high school any more! Their high school kid actors were just a little too realistic.

6. Brian has friends. Seriously, the vampire guy and the desperate girl were alone the entire time. Every time he mentioned this was dangerous she said she didn't care. Which brings us to our top five!

5. Brian's love for me doesn't come from a desire to kill me. What a concept.

4. Brian can have a conversation. Every conversation in that movie was shoved under the weird, emo-like music. Oh, except for the real gems like "You are my whole life now". Those were loud and clear. Ack. And don't even get me started on the creepy stares.

3. Being with Brian won't require me to abandon everything else in my life. Granted, this was not in the movie. But it's coming.

2. Brian doesn't have to 'change' me to be with me. Edward will, eventually, nearly kill Bella. Marrying Brian was pretty darn painless. Planning the wedding wasn't, but I didn't have a vampire sister-in-law to plan mine like Bella did. Oh well, can't win them all!

1. Finally, Brian is Jason Bourne. Vampires are cool, but they can't hold a candle to that.

If you must obsess over Edward, watch the fourth Harry Potter movie. He's way cuter as Cedric Diggory.